Patterns, Lessons, Crossroads….and more revelations

It’s great that as time goes on and we open our eyes and our minds we come to revelations that just make us sit back and think.
I am sure that those of you who read my note from yesterday are thinking about things just a bit differently, but here is another revelation…
This one didn’t take 6 hours in the car, I woke up to it.
This is for you parents out there. Our kids are very easily influenced by what we say. When you think its okay to name call out of jest at first it effects them and then they take it on as normal.

So, if you are a parent that in a fun way calls your child something other than names that are uplifting then think twice.
I laid in bet last night eyes wide open. Thinking. Praying and trying to understand why I thought it was okay for other people to call me names that were not uplifting. Perhaps its because I got used to it growing up. Definitely not a way to sort out self esteem at an early age.

The thing is, as parents we all want whats best for our children…no matter what. So why on earth would we use any other words as endearing words other than those that will uplift our children. I know we need to discipline, but using words like dork or bonehead even in a joking way just don’t seem right anymore.
Love your children…. In all ways….especially when you are speaking to them.

Patterns, Lessons, Crossroads

I learned yet another lesson this weekend. One that I think that every woman that believed at one time or another that she needed someone else to tell her that she was good enough.

As you all know I have come to a huge crossroads in my life. One that is very defining. One where Christ is now leading me and this world is getting clearer. My past has been filled with many people of whom I would have called “friends”. Some of these friendships eventually got out of control…not because of the person involved, but because of my own self esteem issues. I never felt good enough. I have been battling this since I was a child. And more and more each day it is being revealed to me why I felt that way and how wrong that feeling was. And along the way I made friendships and did things that had I not felt the way I did probably never would have happened.

After some time and meeting my crossroads I have been purging my life of people, thoughts and things that I thought and some point I needed in order to define myself. The Anthony Robbins of the world would call these people, thoughts and things patterns. So in other words…I am changing my patterns.

Sometimes when you think that you are there, that you finally have gotten rid of all those patterns of the past one jumps up and bites you in the ass only to get you thinking again. This of course happened to me this weekend and that is why I want to write this note.

For you it might seem frivolous, but for me its big. I had a call from one of these “friends.” This person is a good person and I have nothing bad to say about him, but my patterns caused me grief. I am in an amazing relationship with an amazing man. But this friend called up and we talked for probably 15 minutes. He told me about all that’s going on in his life and for him I am happy. The call ended and I thought nothing of it. But then I got a private message. He had thanked me and then jumped back into calling me an old nickname which once upon a time was fun. What I didn’t realize is that by allowing this person to go on like nothing in my life has changed that what I was doing was making him believe that I had not changed. That I was still up for things and conversations that I truly am not up for.
I didn’t see it at the time, but when you sit back and think of the entire picture, when you want drastic changes in your life you must do drastic things to change your patterns. Being a good person is great, but you have to be good to yourself too.

I used to say I am not perfect and I would believe that. But God made me. God put me here. And Jesus died because I (we) am a sinner and the only way to ever become perfect is through Jesus. And one of things I am learning is that when something from the past bites you in the ass…just learn from it. Know that it’s a sign that God wants you to see and change your patterns so that you heart can be full.
I had a 6 hour drive this weekend and in those 6 hours I cried, I rejoiced, I prayed and gave thanks because what I see happening is God giving me all I need…and showing me the way to change those things that are not good for me.

I hope that if you are someone that never felt good enough that you take on board the understanding that if you weren’t you wouldn’t have been put here and you wouldn’t have been given all the lessons you’ve been given to change your patterns.

Melanie Eatherton 2011

I have failed

It’s been a while since I have written. I have purposely pulled myself back from a few things to take a breath and reorganize.

It is amazing how taking a step back and looking at the entire picture shows you different things about your life.

I still come back to the fact that you can re-invent yourself over and over until you get it right.

Recently I came across the teachings of a fellow by the name of Derek Sivers. I was absolutely delighted to see that he believes in failure. I suppose you are shocked to see that someone believes in failure. Especially with all the teachings out there that tell you there is no such thing as failure.

Well, we all need to fail. As Mr Sivers says, “If you are not failing then you are not learning” and I am sure that you all know that if you are not learning you are not living.

You see society has put a negative swing on the word “Failure”. As with most things, it is whatever you make it.

So, if YOU decided that failure is bad and you stop failing, you will never be learning or growing. But if YOU decided that failure is a part of learning and growing and that by failing you are one more step ahead, then the world will be your oyster.

I fail consistently. When I fail, instead of pretending that I was a victim of circumstance, I look at whatever it was I was trying to succeed at and find where I went wrong. I find the lesson in that “failure”.

What have YOU failed at? Can YOU see where you went wrong? Are you living and learning and growing or have you decide that failure is a bad thing?

I would love to read your thoughts on this!!

To Your SUCCESS (Failure!)

Melanie Eatherton
Success Coach
Child of God
Saved by Christ

PS….You won’t find me on Facebook, Twitter, Linkedin or otherwise for a while. Like I said, I am taking a step back. I am still available for coaching though so let me know if you want to learn a bit more about failure.

How will YOU get back up?

I have spent a lifetime helping others. Its part of me. Its what I do. Along the way I lost site of my real path and veered and every time I did I found myself learning a new lesson.

My passion to help people developed into something even greater when I started research ways to help myself out of debt, out of fear, out of feelings of not being good enough. This whole new world opened up to me. If you could see my bookcase right now you would have proof! I probably have every self help book ever written, every self help CD and tapes (yes I did say tapes, that just shows you how long my journey has been so far!).

After reading and listening and putting certain things in place that made sense to me I felt my life start expanding and getting better. Funny thing is I still felt empty. I have helped so many people, have overcome my own transgressions, have overcome my own past but still felt empty. I then began searching for something to fill that void. After all…all the good books tell you that once you get rid of some of the trash in your head you have to fill it back up otherwise you create a vacuum.

This need to be fulfilled sucked the life out of me. I started making some of the worse decisions I could have ever made in my own life. My life spiraled out of control and BAMN out of no where I found myself back in the muck I had worked so hard to get out of.

Someone very special to me asked me a question at that point. He said to me, “Are you a Christian?”. I was a bit offended at first because of course I was a Christian. Then he asked, “What does that mean to you.” I was stumped. I knew it meant that I believed in God and that Jesus died for my sins, but that was it. Then, my patterns kicked into gear. Not the patterns that got me in trouble in the past, but the patterns of researching. I pulled out my Holy Bible, then another and then another. (Not sure why I had to find all the Holy Bibles in the house, but I did).

I started reading. Then I found online sites that would send me daily Scripture and other ways to look at life. I found the book “Crazy Love”, by Francis Chan. It talked about being a lukewarm Christian. I got really scared. I was living the life of a lukewarm Christian. Yes, I believe in Christ. Yes, I know he has always been with me. Yes, I know that all God wants is for us to love Him and walk in the light of Jesus. But, I was going everywhere else to seek fulfillment.

I didnt know how to pray. I didnt know how to ask God for help for me. I would always say my bedtime prayer that I learned as a child. “Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep, but if I die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take. God bless mommy, God bless daddy, God bless my sisters and brothers and God please bring peace to this world.” But what does it all mean when I didnt even know how to ask God to help me.

I am not really sure if I read something or if someone said something to me, but something happened. I started, sometimes out loud and sometimes in my head, just having conversations. I just started telling God my heart. At the end of the conversation I would then say my prayer and thank God for all he has done for me and for being there by my side no matter what. I would say in Jesus name I pray. Amen.

Now I know for many of you you’re probably saying….”um..Duh”. But for many of you, you are still luke warm. So here is my Success Coaching advice for today:

Do all you can to better yourself. (We are all sinners). Take time every single day to have a conversation with God. Let him know how you are feeling and ask for help. Yes, you can pray for others, but God is already taking care of them. Wake up with God and go to bed with God. And, whatever you do, do in the name of Jesus Christ. Really get to know him. He is the love, He is the light.

Since taking my own advice, my void has been filled. There are days when I need to pray extra long or get a bit frustrated, but when I finally lay my head down I know that there are reasons for all we go through. Your past does not define you, and its not about how you were knocked down, but how you decide to get back up. Let Jesus take your hand my friends.

Melanie Eatherton
Success Coach
Child of God
Believer in Christ
and yes….

Still the peacemaker,
Love Creator and Bad image annihilator!

BRING YOUR “A” GAME!

I recently had the opportunity to hang out with a good friend who is a coach for a highschool cheerleading squad. These girls are amazing. It is that time of year when the girls try out for the coming year. There are many seniors to go and many freshman to come aboard.

One thing that I noticed my friend really pointing out to the girls a few days before tryouts was that they must bring their “A” game.

So the day came for tryouts. Independent judges were judging. And wouldnt you know that there were certain girls that did not bring their “A” game. Needless to say, the judges scored them much lower then the rest even though they were the most experienced. They did not make the team. They will not cheer their senior year of High School.

Life is the same way. If you don’t bring your “A” game you may just miss the mark. This brings me back to my favourite book, “The Four Agreements”, by Don Miguel Ruiz.

The Fourth Agreement states:

Always do your best. Your best is going to change from moment to moment. It will be different when you are healthy, as apposed to sick. Under any circumstances, simply do your best and you will avoid self judgement, self abuse and regret.

Now one of these girls was not well. And she had a sore ankle. But guess what, she brought her “A” game. She tried her best despite what was going on around her. She was visibly sick and limping, but she was able to give it her best shot.

She made the team. She will be cheering for her last year of high school. She brought her “A” game.

So my friends…remember the 4th Agreement when you go about things. If you really want to do something bad enough you have to do more then just think it. You have to be an active participant in it. You have to bring your “A” game.

YOU ARE STRONG, BEAUTIFUL AND BRILLIANT…..Your “A” game will prove it to you!!!!

A Revelation

A Revelation

As a Success Coach and Mammographer I see day in and day out how women around the ages 40-50 go through what I call the “Now What” Syndrome. We feel tired and down. We constantly look for things to do or to take care of. We look around at the world wondering why we feel so bad.

This morning, while sitting and planning out my day I realized that I was in the middle of the “Now What” Syndrome. I was making list after list of the things I needed to be doing for everyone else. I was timing out eye appointments, calls with clients, figuring out when to set up calls with mentors for my children, making grocery list…..and it went on and on.

I stopped for a moment when I felt the emotion of anxiety creep up. I thought to myself, now why on earth do I feel anxious?

And then it came to me. I had a revelation. It came to me because I thought about what I had taught one of my clients last night. I sat there and shook my head. The anxiety started to go away.

What I realized was that through out my own life I have been doing for others. Always always putting everyone else first. It’s a wonderful thing to think of everyone around you and how you can help their lives be better but the one thing that many people including myself forget is that we have to put ourselves first.

Many women and perhaps men as well go through this now what syndrome feeling like they are on the bottom of everyone else’s totem pole. They feel they get thought of last. They feel that they are not good enough because those around them that they always put first never think of them first.

If you find yourself feeling like this….ask yourself….Why do I feel that everyone else puts me last…and if they really do….why?

Well I asked myself that same question. The answer I came up with is because I showed them how to do that. I showed them that I will always be last because they come first in my life. After all, I taught my children and anyone that got to know me over the years that my feelings didnt matter because theirs came first, that my health didnt matter because theirs came first, that my overdrafted bank account didnt matter because…low and behold ….everyone else had to come first.

What is the moral to this so true story……?

The moral is that in order to be this woman who takes care of the world, I must take care of me first. The same goes for all of you. If you are the person that has taken on the task as “warrior” or “keeper of the tribe” like I have then the most important person you have to take care of is yourself. Without you….who will take care of them?

TO YOUR SUCCESS!!

Melanie Eatherton
Success Coach, Speaker,
Author, Mom
LOA Diva, Peacemaker
Love Creator, Bad Image Annihilator

LET’S MOVE

I had the pleasure of listening to Michelle Obama speak about the new initiative called “Let’s Move” .  The US government along with other agencies are putting together programs to get into our schools and for the public that will get rid of childhood obesity.

What does that mean for us?  It means that our kids will be healthier.  They’ll have more energy.  They will be able to fight adult diseases that go along with childhood obesity.  It means that the future of our children will look better and brighter and more fulfilling.

You can start now!  It will take some time for things to be put in place, but YOU as a parent can start now.  As a matter of fact, if YOU participate imagine what getting fit and healthy will do for YOU!!

Start today, cut back proportions, lower salt, sugar and fat intake.  Exercise, Exercise Exercise!!!  Really begin to read labels.  Remember that any thing modified is….well modified!  There are so many healthy, yummy snacks that you can substitute for those that come wrapped, boxed or canned.

Lets start today.  Together we can make a difference!!!

You and Your Self Image

When you think of something what is the first thing that happens?  Usually, up pops an image of what ever it is you are thinking about.  When you think of your car, a picture of your car pops into your head, when you think of your house, a picture of your house pops into your head.  Well what about when you think of YOU?  What picture pops up in your head?

Self image is one of the most important causes of failure and success.  Your self image is your own conception of the kind of person you are.  It is what determines what you accomplish and believe in.  Most of us have a self image of ourselves that we formed since childhood based on past experiences that we had.  This image will determine your reaction to how you interpret your environment and people’s reactions to you and will be a huge affect on your success.

There is nothing on this earth that can prevent you from improving your self image.  The degree to which you improve your self image is directly proportional to your successes.

Find out more about how YOU can improve YOUR self image and improve your Successes without fail!  Send an email to melanie@manifestwithmelanie.com telling me about YOU and your self image.  Be sure to put in the subject line, “I want to change my self image”.  I will send you information on our newly opened “The 7 Minute Mirror Coaching Circles” and how you can participate in propelling yourself to new levels of Success!!!!

Coaching

Many people ask whether or not a coach is for them.  I think that before deciding  you need to figure out whether or not you want to really live the life of your dreams and you also need to know what a coach actually does.

So lets start with what a Coach is and what a coach is not.  A Coach is a professional that helps a client design their future rather than get over their past.    A Coach is not a psychiatrist or psychologist.  A Coach helps to design short and long term goals for a client by helping the client create visions and goals in all aspects of their life.  Coaches recognize the brilliance in their clients and their person power to discover their own solutions when provided with support, accountability and unconditional positive regards (Williams & Davis, 2002)

Coaching is above all a conversation.  It is a conversation that engages the clients around their visions, goals, wants and desires.

If you feel coaching is for you and would like to take your dreams to the next level (reality!!)  then CLICK HERE and take the “are you coachable?” quiz on the left hand side of the page.  Or if you want to make a leap of faith go to our services page and select which service is best for you and jump start your SUCCESS!

White Envelopes

White Envelopes

It’s just a small, white envelope stuck among the branches of our Christmas tree. No name, no identification, no inscription. It has peeked through the branches of our tree for the past 10 years or so.

It all began because my husband Mike hated Christmas. Oh, not the true meaning of Christmas, but the commercial aspects of it, overspending, the frantic running around at the last minute to get a tie for Uncle Harry and the dusting powder for Grandma, the gifts given in desperation because you couldn’t think of anything else.

Knowing he felt this way, I decided one year to bypass the usual shirts, sweaters, ties and so forth. I reached for something special just for Mike. The inspiration came in an unusual way. Our son, Kevin, who was 12 that year was wrestling at the junior level at the school he attended, and shortly before Christmas, there was a non-league match against a team sponsored by an inner-city church.

These youngsters, dressed in sneakers so ragged that shoestrings seemed to be the only thing holding them together, presented a sharp contrast to our boys in the spiffy blue and gold uniforms and sparkling new wrestling shoes. As the match began I was alarmed to see that the other team was wrestling without headgear, a kind of light helmet designed to protect a wrestler’s ears. It was a luxury the ragtag team obviously could not afford. Well, we ended up walloping them. We took every weight class. And as each of their boys got up from the mat, he swaggered around in his tatters with false bravado, a kind of street pride that couldn’t acknowledge defeat. Mike, seated beside me, shook his head sadly, “I wish one of them could have won,” he said. “They have a lot of potential, but losing like this could take the heart right out of them.” Mike loved kids, all kids, and he knew them, having coached little league football, baseball and lacrosse.

That’s when the idea of his present came. That afternoon, I went to a local sporting goods store and bought an assortment of wrestling headgear and shoes and sent them anonymously to the inner-city church. On Christmas Eve, I placed the envelope on the tree, the note inside telling Mike what I had done and that this was his gift from me. His smile was the brightest thing about Christmas that year and in succeeding years. For each Christmas, I followed the tradition, one year sending a group of mentally handicapped youngsters to a hockey game, another year a check to a pair of elderly brothers whose home had burned to the ground the week before Christmas, and on and on. The envelope became the highlight of our Christmas. It was always the last thing opened on Christmas morning and our children, ignoring their new toys, would stand with wide-eyed anticipation as their dad lifted the envelope from the tree to reveal its contents. As the children grew, the toys ga ve way to more practical presents, but the envelope never lost its allure. The story doesn’t end there.

You see we lost Mike last year due to dreaded cancer. When Christmas rolled around, I was still so wrapped in grief that I barely got the tree up. But Christmas Eve found me placing an envelope on the tree, and in the morning, it was joined by three more.

Each of our children, unbeknownst to the others, had placed an envelope on the tree for their dad. The tradition has grown and someday will expand even further with our grandchildren standing around the tree with wide-eyed anticipation watching as their fathers take down the envelope. Mike’s spirit, like the Christmas spirit, will always be with us.

Nancy W. Gavin

This story is a true story and inspired four siblings from Atlanta, GA to start The White Envelope Project, a nonprofit organization dedicated to promoting this tradition and charitable giving. The White Envelope Project founders are regularly in touch with the family in the article and are thrilled to have their support. The Gavin family and now thousands of others continue to celebrate the “white envelope” tradition each year. For more information about The White Envelope Project or to honor a loved one through a “white envelope” gift this year, please visit their website: www.WhiteEnvelopeProject.org